We’ve all heard the cliché’ saying about how “It Takes a Village” to do any variety of things from building a house to raising a family, but in a city like Charlotte, full of transplants, relocators, adventurers and transfers, a village is not something that just appears, it’s something we have to build, and it’s not easy. I’m a unicorn Charlotte Native, raised here from the age of 3, I went to private and public school here, went to college an hour away, met my husband here and am raising three children seven minutes from where I grew up. I know how incredibly fortunate we are to have grandparents and other incredible family here, however, we have worked hard to foster relationships with other people that are invaluable to the sustainability of our family and our lifestyle. Most days, one of our village members makes an impact on me or one of my children that I know will stay with us. There are four types of people that every family should invite into their lives, trusted, of course, but people that will be instrumental into our success as moms and in general, human beings with basic needs.
Our village is our lifeline and consists of a wide range of people of family and friends, but most importantly, people who are a step ahead of us in life, who can remember how hard this stage is and listen to you in sage solidarity. These people have talked my husband and I through some of our most difficult parenting stages to date and without them, I would feel helpless at times. When they say that there’s no handbook to parenting, it’s true, however, those friends who are just in front of us {or very far ahead of us for that matter} can be our own little version of a handbook, breathing life into our insanity and encouraging us to embrace the chaos.
The second most important person is what a friend recently called “first responder friends.” Those people you can call when everyone has the stomach bug, including the typical go-to grandparents, there’s barf everywhere and not enough hands to manage it all because your husband is on a much-needed golf trip {don’t worry, he came home as soon as I put out the emergency signal, but by the time he got here, the mayhem had ended, lucky}. Find a first responder friend, the kind of friend who treats your babies as their own and that your babies would trust in a Holy Crap moment. She can be a neighbor, a work bestie, a fellow mama, a favorite babysitter, you’ll know her when you find her, but she’s a drop everything and bring wine {or Pedialyte} kinda chick.
The third person we all need in our lives as moms, dads, caregivers and the like, is a pediatrician who’s vision of parenthood and raising healthy babies aligns with ours. Our pediatrician is a godsend for us, he’s given us his personal number, which I’ve only used once, but he’s willing to be there for us day or night. He’s behind us and our choices for our children, speaks truth to us about research, vaccines, illness and health. He is instrumental in much of our decision making when it comes to our kids and his honesty and approach to health is very much aligned with ours. If you aren’t vibing with your pediatrician, find a new one, ask like-minded mamas who they see and trust and if you’re not sure, call and ask the questions you need answered prior to making a switch.
The fourth, probably not final but for the sake of time, final village member you need is a few good and trustworthy babysitters. Listen, I know it’s hard to trust strangers with your babies, but you need time mama, time to yourself, time with your partner, time with your friends even amidst a busy season of work for your partner, and a babysitter can allow you that type of sanity in time away from our children that we all so desperately need. They’re not all perfect, but use the resources that you trust to find the right sitters for your family. Ask your neighbors, friends or colleagues if they would share their most trusted sitters. Do it once, dip your toe in, and you’ll be so glad that you did!
If you need a start, here it is. Your village can save you mama, reel 'em in and hold them tight!
About Hannah Mulvihill
Hannah is a Charlotte native since 1989 and is a full-time, working mom, raising three children in Matthews with her husband Dave. She is one of two owners of Perfect Balance Training Center, a gymnastics facility here in the Charlotte area. An avid sports fan, Hannah is well-versed on all things related to her hometown here and a dedicated Panthers and Hornets fan. She spends her free time traveling with her husband or hanging with family and friends! You can follow her balanced chaos here!
